


Shadow Memory

by silverjewelkitten



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Drunk Thor, Kissing, Loki is a drama queen, M/M, Thorki - Freeform, how does thor put up with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 14:04:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14594613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverjewelkitten/pseuds/silverjewelkitten
Summary: “How have I hurt you, brother? What is it that you cannot speak?” Loki’s eyelashes flutter, his breath quickens. Thor’s fingers clutch him tighter. He lets the memory bleed through.





	Shadow Memory

He catches him as he’s leaving, a bag stowed away under his arm, sneakily weaving down the corridors of their newfound home. Loki looks at him sheepishly, and has the decency to seem guilty about what he’s doing. “Brother.” Thor says, stepping towards him. If Loki wishes to go, he will not bind him. They are far past that now. Loki has made his amends to the best of his ability, and is under no obligation to stay any longer. “Leaving without saying goodbye?”

His brother shifts on his feet and shrugs. “I thought it would be easier this way.” Thor smiles at him but it doesn’t quite light up his eyes. “I…I don’t belong here.” He sighs and rubs his temple with his free hand. “I only stayed so long because-well, it doesn’t matter.” Thor shuffles closer and encloses him in a hug. Loki drops his bag to the floor and his arms wind around Thor’s back. Gentleness is not his strong suit, it never has been, and so he breaks the contact and steps away quickly.

“You may not believe you have a place here, but you will always have a place with me.” Thor’s face is determined and heartbreakingly fond. Loki grits his teeth to keep from saying something regrettable, though he is doomed to fail in that regard.

“I once thought so.” Thor flinches. Loki curses himself inwardly. It’s not his brother’s fault the way it happened, but Loki has always been selfish, especially when it comes to Thor. “None of this is your fault. “

“None of what? Tell me what troubles you, brother.” Loki sighs and leans against the wall. The only way out is through his brother and his ceaseless questions, begging answers Loki is unwilling to give.

“Can’t you see? I’m not like you are.” The only person he cares to save is Thor. He cares not for the world. What he wants can never be, despite having glimpsed it through a haze. It is better to disappear than to burn in secret all his life. How can his brother not know?

“I will not stop you from leaving. I only want to know why.” Loki’s eyes are glossy and his hands shake. He cannot speak it.

“Because I am not righteous.” Oh, how he burns for him. How the memory he has hidden away tugs his soul asunder. “Because I am selfish.” Thor’s hand moves to grip his shoulder and curls behind his neck. A familiar gesture. A brand.

“How have I hurt you, brother? What is it that you cannot speak?” Loki’s eyelashes flutter, his breath quickens. Thor’s fingers clutch him tighter. He lets the memory bleed through.

_Thor was in a drunken stupor, high off of victory and kegs of ale. His friends were passed out in a circle around him. Loki sat vigilant, sober and out of place. This celebration did not belong to him, and yet, Thor gripped onto his throat like he always had, gentle and beseeching. “Join us, brother!” Slurred, but comprehensible. Loki looked around at the pile Thor’s friends had fallen into—even the Captain, who so oft was unable to feel the effects of the drink, had collapsed, either from exhaustion or the ale._

_“There’s not much to join, brother.” Thor laughed and slung his arm over Loki’s shoulder, holding him tightly. “Save for you.” Thor met his eyes, looking startlingly clear of mind. His hot breath tickled Loki’s face._

_“Then join me.” Loki was frozen in place. Thor’s hand moved to cup his cheek. Thor pressed his mouth to his brother’s, searching, questioning. Loki shivered. It was wrong. But Loki had always been selfish. He opened his mouth and let Thor do as he pleased, responding in kind with every push and pull of lips and tongue. When finally Thor pulled back, he looked mortified, mouth red and wet with the evidence of what he’d done. “Loki, forgive me.”_

_Loki pressed his hands to Thor’s temples, seeking out the memory, and stole it away. He pushed Thor back, sending him to sleep. He touched his own lips, and willed away the tremble that threatened to betray his heart._

Thor stumbles back, breathing heavy. Loki does not meet his eyes. He straightens the collar of his coat, where Thor’s hand had ruffled it as he gripped at him. “Do you see?” Finally his heart has steadied enough to gaze back into his brother’s ashen face.

“Forgive me.” Thor takes several steps away. Loki reaches for him, grasping at his shirt. In Thor’s eyes he sees regret. He grinds his teeth together.

“There’s nothing to be forgiven. If I had not welcomed it, I would never have allowed it to continue.” Thor shakes his head. “You were drunk enough to have kissed anyone, and I was selfish enough to let it be me.” Once spoken, he cannot take the words back from the ether.

“Why did you take the memory from me?” Sentiment wells up in Loki’s chest. Thor looks angry. Properly angry. His fists ball up at his sides, and his mouth becomes a hard line.

“Does it matter?” Loki laughs, going for nonchalance. It comes out more like a cry from some wounded animal, small and afraid. “You were drunk. It’s not like it meant anything to you.”

“Of course it matters!” His hands bracket Loki’s shoulders against the wall. “You don’t get to decide what it means to me.” Loki swallows and flushes. Thor’s proximity awakens that burning feeling anew. “They’re my memories.” His hands move now to Loki’s shoulders, sliding in towards his neck. “Why, Loki? No lies.”

Loki closes his eyes as Thor leans closer, foreheads smashed together. Loki’s hands clench around nothing at his sides. Too afraid to touch. “Because.” His lashes flutter and his pale blue eyes open halfway. “I couldn’t bear to hear you call it a mistake.”

“It’s not your place to take that which does not belong to you. To decide what I will regret.” Thor’s mouth ghosts against his. Loki breathes deeply and Thor smashes their mouths together. Loki melds further into the wall, hands smoothing over Thor’s cropped hair. For a while, there is only the drag of Thor’s tongue in his mouth, but eventually they must breathe. Thor pulls back with a wet sound, and leans his head into Loki’s neck. His voice is but a murmur against Loki’s ear. “How could I regret this? Have you ever known me to lose myself for a bit of ale?”

Loki leans his head against the wall, fingers finding purchase in Thor’s cloak. “Hmm. Fair point.” The burning feeling fades to a dull simmer. “I suppose I could stick around a little longer.”


End file.
